


Danger COULD be my middle name

by marginaliana



Series: Abandoned Top Gear Snippets [1]
Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Gen, M/M, Spies & Secret Agents, preslash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 02:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6176992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marginaliana/pseuds/marginaliana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeremy checks into a hotel under the name of Mrs. James May...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Danger COULD be my middle name

**Author's Note:**

> In the Big Book of Top Gear 2010, Jeremy listed names he would use to avoid detection when checking into a hotel in disguise, and one of them was "Mrs. James May." This is unfinished and abandoned.

The woman behind the counter smirks when he tells her the name he's checking in under, and Jeremy once again inwardly curses himself for letting W make the arrangements. _Mrs. James May,_ he thinks, rolling his eyes. _And now I've got to come up with a cover story, ta much._ "Yes, yes," he says, and takes the electronic room key from her outstretched hand. "My, er, husband thinks it's romantic," he says, affecting a sheepish manner, "and, well. It's a bit silly but I do love him."

Her smirk turns into a rather dumb grin, and Jeremy mentally congratulates himself, already tuning out whatever she says next as he turns away and heads for the lift. By the time he reaches the eighth floor his mind is back on the job, mentally sifting through the available evidence and weighing the facts for and against Morgan's guilt. 

Halfway down the eighth floor hallway he stops, cocking his head to one side, having caught a flash of sound just faintly from behind one door. Something about it catches in the back of his brain – maybe the shape of the half-heard word, maybe the tone of voice – he's not quite sure what. Looking up and down the hallway and seeing no one, Jeremy steps silently over to the door and presses his ear to it.

"...remove any obstacles to reaching our goal. By force, if necessary. The boss doesn't care about excuses. He only cares about getting the job done. And in this case, what he wants from you is—"

Something tickles Jeremy's nose. _Oh, bollocks,_ he thinks, manfully trying to hold in the sneeze he knows is coming, but it's too late.

"Achoo!" The sound behind the door stops, and then it opens beneath his hand, sending him toppling headfirst into the room. He catches himself on the door frame.

"What are you doing?" says the voice, and Jeremy looks up, finding him face to face with one of the pictures he'd pored over while preparing for this mission. _Gill. Shit, piss, bugger, wank!_ he thinks, and puts on his stupidest expression as he levers himself back to his feet.

"I'm afraid this is the wrong room," he says. "I was looking for mine – just checked in, you know, the train was terribly late. I'm thinking of writing Virgin a very nasty letter. I always say it's important to get things in writing, that way they can be passed on to the person in charge."

The man he knows as Gill clears his throat, and Jeremy blinks. "Oh, yes, quite. Sorry. You see, I was looking for my room, and I thought this was it, but—" he gropes in his pocket for the key card in its little envelope, and makes a show of reading it, "—ah, yes, see, it's the next one over. So sorry!" He grins and steps back, waggling the card. Gill gives him an unimpressed look, and shuts the door in his face.

_Christ, that was close,_ Jeremy thinks. He gives the closed door a considering look, then steps down to the next and sticks his card in the slot. _At least I know it's him, and I'm right next door. That'll give me an edge._ The mechanism makes a whirring noise and then clicks as the light turns green, and Jeremy thumps the handle down and nudges the door open.

There's a man sitting on the edge of the bed, and he looks up with a startled expression at Jeremy's entrance, causing his long, scruffy hair to fly into his face. He opens his mouth, clearly preparing to shout at being thus interrupted. _Ah, fucking hell,_ Jeremy thinks, and crosses the room in two quick strides to clamp his hand down over the man's mouth. This close, he can see that the other man's eyes are quite blue. The door closes behind him with a thump.

"Hang on," he whispers. "Just, be silent for one moment, I beg you." The other man nods, slowly, and Jeremy lifts his hand from his mouth. He gets up, holding out one finger to tell the other man to wait, and presses his ear to the wall between the two rooms. There's nothing – no talking, no television, no radio, and it makes Jeremy suspicious. He crosses back to the end of the bed and sits, still holding up his hand.

"Who are you?" he whispers.

"James May," the man whispers hotly. "And this is _my_ room. Who the hell are you?"

_Oh, you have_ got _to be kidding me,_ Jeremy thinks. He curses W again, for the 47th time.

"Jeremy," he whispers, holding out his hand to shake. James takes it, warily – his handshake is both warm and firm. "Next question. Has he seen you?" He jerks his thumb towards the neighboring room. James' brow furrows. 

"What?"

"Has he seen you? Anyone in that room, did they see you come in, do they know you're in this room?"

"Well, yes," James whispers back. "I think we came in about the same time yesterday."

"Did you talk to him, or just see him?" When James hesitates Jeremy makes an urgent 'hurry up' gesture with his hand.

"Just saw him," James whispers. "I'm not actually in the habit of striking up conversations with strangers, if you must know!"

_Okay, okay,_ Jeremy thinks. _Damage control. Actually, this could be brilliant. They'll never suspect me as being part of a gay couple. It's the perfect cover._

Out loud he says, loudly, "Darling, I've missed you so much!" James' eyes go wide.

"What?" he mouths.


End file.
